Remember on Wednesday I posted about the INSANE day I had with my husband?! (Click here if you missed it) Well I have to admit something. Maybe you will think I am totally normal or maybe you will think I am a total FREAK, but regardless, I made a promise to always keep it real when I write so here I go.
At least once a day, since I found my husband passed out unconscious and bloody on the floor, I look at my him and start crying. No really. It is the weirdest thing too. It’s like a random uncontrolled burst into tears kind of thing. I can’t help it. In that moment, when I found him…when he wasn’t responding to my screaming for him to wake up, I thought he was dead. I really truly did. My brain totally went to the worst place ever. My strong Faith? Out the window. My clear-thinking thought process? Gone. All that kept running through my brain was that he was dead. He had a seizure and died. He had a brain aneurysm and died. I really didn’t know what happened. I just felt like my life, our life, was flashing before my eyes in those few minutes. You see this stuff happen on the news all of the time. Bad, sad things happen ALL OF THE TIME. They have even happened to people I love.
But the thing is, the worst did NOT happen. So why am I having such a hard time emotionally getting past it? Like I have had these bad nightmare flashback visuals, it’s awful. He and I have had these beautiful talks about our marriage, our family, our love since Wednesday happened, but no different than before really. The funny thing is though, since I had Breast Cancer six years ago, I really feel like we both make SUCH an effort to appreciate life, each other, our family, EVERYTHING… that I really didn’t think I could actually appreciate him anymore. Boy, was I wrong. I’ve hugged him more the last few days. I’ve looked at him a little differently…and it’s not just the broken nose and stitches. 😉
It has made me so super reflective. Super grateful. Full honesty, I’m kinda a goob and I normally do this thing where I might be driving and it’s a beautiful day and I tell God…”Thank you for this.” or “Thank you for that” but good gravy, you should hear me this past week. God must be up there, thinking…alright already, I got it Cindy. YOU ARE THANKFUL. lol I think about how much I love my husband. Like OUT OF CONTROL looooove him and you can gag away, lol, but it’s true. However, don’t confuse that with oh look at me…we have a perfect marriage, cus come on now, that’s not reality. Nothing is perfect but the love I have for that man…it’s pretty darn close.
Maybe I will get back to my happy normal self soon but maybe I like the even better glasses for which I now see him.?
XO Surviving Mommy