Man oh man, I didn’t think it would hurt this bad.

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I never thought of myself as being a dog person. Meaning, I thought to be a dog person, you had to travel with your pets all of the time, dress them in cute clothes, buy them presents, you know…your life revolves around your pets. I thought when my almost 14 year old doggie Winnie passed away someday, I would cry and then move on. I never in a MILLION years expected to feel as sad as I have been these last few days.

Part of what I do for a living is share stories. I am pretty honest about my life too, whether it was sharing a story on the radio or now, here on my blog. I have always felt that sharing is healing. When Winnie passed away the other day and I sat down to write about it, I was already crying and I feel like I haven’t stopped. When I tell you I am shocked by this emotional reaction, I am telling you the truth. I am shocked. I literally have been moping around the house. Crying every time I look at his bed. Everytime I look at his food bowls. Everytime I look at his toys. I accidentally drop some crumbs on the floor and I say, “Winnie” and then remember he is not coming. I walk into the house after carpool and can’t figure out why he isn’t rushing to the door to greet us. I cancelled plans with one of my Besties and her Boyfriend last night because I told her “I just couldn’t” and she lovingly understood. I haven’t showered in a few days. I know, disgusting but whatever. I am a ridiculous mess. My mom kind of jolted me into reality when she sweetly reminded me, “honey, he was in your life EVERY DAY for almost 14 years, you are ALLOWED to be sad!” I guess when I finally took that into consideration, I understood this massive loss and the sadness I was feeling.

I had never heard of the rainbow bridge poem before so when people were posting on my Facebook page, “he is smiling from the rainbow bridge”, I was like, what in the world is that?! I have never lost a pet so I didn’t understand. I googled it and of course bawled my eyes out. I know we all die someday…all of us. I also know my relationship with God is strong so I know that I am simply mourning Winnie’s earthly little doggie body but know I will be reunited with him someday. I do take solace in that. I know he is probably hanging out with my dad (Pap Pap) trying to get all up on his lap and my dad is probably thinking, “Winnie, no, get down”, like he used to say but I know now he is probably letting him right up on his lap to snuggle and that makes me happy.

Writing this and sharing my grief with you all makes me feel better. It reminds me that I know I am not alone and that so many of you understand. Thank you for that and I am so sorry for your losses too. If you are lucky enough to still have your fur baby with you, cuddle them and love on them because you never know how much time you are gonna get. And just in case we need the reminder, don’t forget to do the same for the people you love too! Life is short and so very precious. You know what I learned through this whole experience though? I guess I AM a dog person! 🙂

XO Surviving Mommy

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